five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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