i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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