You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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