Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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