K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
