That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it hurts more in the daytime
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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