My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
