i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
