then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
