I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
