Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
