I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
