So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
