I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
