I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
