She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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