i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
