I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
