I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
