Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
