Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
