Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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