You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
