Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
