my vag is so smooth its legendary
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize