I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
