So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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