Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
