dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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