have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
