you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
