Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
