he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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