two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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