uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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