I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think I won the penis lottery.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
