Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
