Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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