if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
