I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
