Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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