I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
