Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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