He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
