I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
