Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
