You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Life is so much better after having sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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