I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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