we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
