Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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