Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
