who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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