are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
