They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That's intense
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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