you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
