I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do