And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect