is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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