I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why is your signature on my underwear?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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