you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
