When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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