Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
