I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
