So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
